How Do Courts Decide Which Parent Should Have Decision-Making Responsibility for Our Child?
If you're going through a separation and share children with your ex, you’ll need to decide “who gets the kids when.” But another important — and often more contentious — question is:
Who gets to make the big decisions about the kids’ lives?
We’re talking about health, education, religious upbringing, and other long-term decisions that shape your child’s future. In family law lingo, this is called decision-making responsibility (what we used to call "custody").
Let’s walk through how Ontario courts decide who gets to make these important choices — and whether it’s done solo, jointly, or in parallel (yes, that’s a thing).
No One-Size-Fits-All Approach
The days of defaulting to one parent making all the decisions are long gone. The court’s only guiding star is this: What’s in the best interests of the child? And figuring that out? Well, it’s a bit of an art and a lot of analysis.
In the recent case of S.V.G. v. V.G., Justice Chappel laid out a gold-standard guide for how courts assess this issue. Spoiler alert: it’s not about which parent is the “favourite,” but rather who can actually function as a decision-maker — alone or together with the other parent.
Joint Decision-Making: Possible, But Not Automatic
Some parents assume that joint decision-making is the default. It’s not.
In fact, courts will only consider joint decision-making if:
Both parents are fit and involved.
They’ve shown they can communicate and cooperate — or at least fake it well enough for the kids’ sake.
There’s a reasonable expectation that decisions won’t turn into weekly courtroom battles.
Key phrase? Workable, not perfect. Occasional conflict is okay. All-out war? Not so much.
If parents can’t agree on basic life choices — like vaccinations, school support for learning needs, or extracurriculars — courts may find joint decision-making isn't in the cards.
When Joint Decision-Making Won’t Work
Some red flags that might tip the scale toward sole decision-making:
A long history of high conflict or poor communication.
One parent marginalizes the other or refuses to cooperate.
Decision-making delays are hurting the child — especially if they have special needs.
One parent has clearly been the more responsible and consistent decision-maker.
Basically, if your co-parenting relationship resembles a season of reality TV, the court may decide one parent needs the final say.
Enter: Parallel Parenting (a.k.a. Divided Decision-Making)
When parents just can’t work together but are still equally involved, a court might divide decision-making responsibilities between them — think: one parent handles education, the other handles health care.
This is called parallel parenting, and it works best when:
Both parents are actively involved in the child’s life.
The conflict is ongoing but not completely unmanageable.
The issues can be cleanly split (no “spillover” drama between categories).
It’s a way to keep both parents meaningfully engaged while minimizing conflict — and court time.
Can the Court Order a Parenting Coordinator?
In high-conflict situations, some parents bring in a parenting coordinator — a neutral professional who helps them resolve disagreements and implement parenting plans.
Here’s the catch: courts can’t force you into binding arbitration with a parenting coordinator unless you both agree. But they can order you to try mediation or coaching as part of a “family dispute resolution process.”
In S.V.G., the judge even built a step-by-step process for the parents to follow when disagreements popped up — including the option to go to court only after trying to work it out reasonably.
Bottom Line?
Ontario courts don’t care who’s "right" — they care what’s best for your child. That means:
If you can cooperate (even just enough), joint or shared decision-making is on the table.
If you can’t, the court will look for the least damaging, most stable option.
If both of you are deeply involved but can’t get along, dividing decision-making might strike the right balance.
And remember: these decisions are fact-specific and complex. That’s why it’s so important to get legal advice tailored to your situation.
Need help navigating decision-making responsibility?
At Passageway Law, we help parents design parenting plans that are fair, realistic, and child-focused — before things spiral into a courtroom marathon. Contact us now to book your consultation.
Disclaimer: This blog is for information only and does not constitute legal advice. Every family is different. To understand how the law applies to your specific circumstances, speak to one of our family lawyers. We’re here to help.